Sometimes it feels like nothing ever changes here in Much Twittering. Today it's just another middle-class outpost of the city of L****, a safe, comfortable and seemingly normal home for respectable folk. But actually that has by no means always been the case...You don't have to go back very far to reach a time when this place was a desolate, deserted hinterland, its very name derives from the Anglo Saxon 'Muckle T'Wet Rang', which literally translates to 'Great Damp Foul Midden'. Inhospitable, wind-swept and intractable to horticulture or husbandry, it was attractive to only the very dregs of society, social pariahs and outcasts who were slung out of the main settlements by the more respectable burghers of L**** for reasons of thievery, disease, debauchery and witchcraft.Mary Mordant, a notorious witch widely credited with the gift of second sight lived here for many years at the turn of the century (18th to 19th, that is). For forty years she made a good living by telling fortunes to the more gullible citizens of L****, until she was hanged on the local gibbet on Billing Hill 1811. Not surprising that local religious leader and evangelist William Daines was inspired to pen the immortal lines:- 'In Twittering Much, Great and West,the children simple be, In Lower Twittering, we truly mourn for thee'The rise of the woollen industry saw some civilising influences arriving in Much T. Along with a population of 45,000 sheep, came a rag-tag assortment of farmers, shepherds, mill workers, spinners, weavers and a sprinkling of unattached ladies of dubious reputation and standard of hygiene. The mid to late 19th century saw significant settlements of simple weavers' cottages as well as the founding of some grand establishments for the mill owners and gentlemen farmers.By this time a fine church had been built in the centre of the village; this was famously visited by a young Queen Victoria in the year 1840. She reported herself to be gratified by the sight of such a large and enthusiastic congregation of apparently healthy (if unwashed) rustics and yokels, although we have no record of any return visit. Much Twittering's patriotism and religious zeal was subsequently recognised and rewarded by Her Majesty by the institution of a fund to create the Victoria Village Hall, to this day a popular and lively gathering place most Friday nights, a good place to go if you are fond of Line Dancing and Jumble Sales.Moving reluctantly into the 20th century, the blameless and productive employment provided for the simple local populace was increasingly threatened by the rise of the cotton industry in the further-flung outposts of empire. The good, coarse, traditional woollens of Much Twittering were unable to compete with the much cheaper cotton garments churned out in their millions by lower paid labourers in the colonies. Simple Much T children who had previously enjoyed the healthful benefits of working 15 hours per day at the loom, or of climbing up the smoky chimneys of the local grandees (why did they do that?) were now forced out of these pleasant pastimes and into the confusing world of the British School system.Here, thanks to constant improvements in the system, such as the Literacy and Numeracy Strategies, and frequent enthusiastic and brutal canings, they were eventually educated to rise above the simple level of their parents and grandparents, and aspire to achieve better things. These simple rustics, born to expect nothing better than a life spent toiling on the land or labouring at the mill, now rose to become Administrators, Bankers, IT Consultants and Accountants. The simple weavers' cottages of Much T were now extensively improved and extended, indoor plumbing became universal, and on every drive a shiny car was to be seen; some even had two or three.Every day this brave new generation of urban workers would get in their shiny new cars and drive the 8 miles or so to their workplaces in L****. The toxic emissions from all those exhaust pipes could be seen from space, all plant and animal life along the commuter route was utterly annihilated. On a good day the travellers sometimes managed to make the journey in under an hour, and if they were really lucky they also found somewhere to park. Life was sweet, each simple cottage in Much T now boasted its own conservatory, central heating system, at least 3 televisions, a pc, lap-top and Playstation. Holidays in Tuscany or the Dordogne were taken 3 or 4 times a year, and little children no longer had to supplement the family budget by going out turnip-docking, shop-lifting or pick-pocketing.But alas, this happy state of affairs was short-lived. All too soon came more years of sorrow and suffering for the inhabitants of Much T, in the shape of off-shore facilities, out-sourcing and the Credit Crunch. Add these factors together with years of flood, drought, pestilence and famine (well all right, not actual famine as such, not in Much T, but you get the picture), brought about by Global Warming and the excesses of the capitalist regime, and it all adds up to the need for another industrial revolution.The more enlightened denizens of Much T saw the need for change, and like their ancestors of yore, they rose to the challenge of a new era. So it was out with the old electricity-hungry household appliances, in with the solar panel on the roof and the wood-burning stove. Out went the 4X4 on the drive, in came energy-efficient cars like the Toyota Prius and the Smart. It became fashionable to be seen doing your shopping in Pound Shops and even in the local charity shops. Save money, re-cycle and do your bit for the less fortunate, all at the same time! The daily drudgery of the life-sapping commute into work is now largely replaced by working from home, the industrial-sized open-plan office by the Virtual Office.Modern technology is finally being harnessed to help create a greener and better world for us all. Yes, right here in Much Twittering. I hear that the trend has even reached as far afield as Lower and Nether Twittering now. Wonders will never cease! These days, the Internet and web-based technology make it really feasible to work from home, at least for one day a week or so. Saas (Software as a Service) wares mean that nowadays you can work as productively in your own living room as you do in the office (more productively sometimes, as there are fewer distractions and interruptions here in Much T). Sheep can still be seen grazing in the quiet fields around Much T, and it is a pleasant place for a ramble by the river, through the woods or over the Billing, although the rumble of the passing traffic is hard to escape from completely. In the busy world of the 21st century there is still time for a lunchtime stroll over the fields, past the Church and the Victoria Hall. Sometimes I pass the time of day with a dog-walker who has a bit of a look of Mary Mordant about her. Long may she prosper, along with everything else about this place that is eccentric and charming. I hope all the fields and farms will survive into the next century, and that life for me and the other local inhabitants will continue to improve. Charlotte Mooney is an IT professional with many years experience, currently working for International IT Software Consultancy Proswift, specialising in the Webforum online Document Management and online Project Planning Service. If this story strikes a chord with you, click one of the links above and check out what Webforum could do for you and your business.
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